Family Values Intro

Creating family values can seem daunting, so we have simplified it into 3 easy steps.

  1. Set your family purpose
  2. Identify your family core values
  3. Tie everything together in a long-term goal

We would encourage you to write down your answers and at the end create a one page document that summarizes your purpose, core values & long term goals. Here is an example we created for our family: 50 Pies One-Page Summary

How to Use These

  • Start with purpose questions. Capture the themes that keep coming up.
  • In a follow-up conversation, use the values questions and aim for a short, memorable list.
  • Keep the final values list simple and actionable so kids can actually use it (“We are kind,” “We tell the truth,” "We like to spend time outside and respect nature," “We try hard and help each other”).
  • Take the themes from your answers to your purpose and values. Come up with a long-term goal that can help your family put these themes into action.
  • Revisit your purpose, values, and long-term goal once or twice a year — they can evolve as your family grows.

Questions for Setting Family Purpose

These help surface the “why” behind your family.

  1. If someone asked our kids twenty years from now, “What was special about growing up in our family?” what do we hope they would say?
  2. What do we want our family to be known for — by our neighbors, friends, and each other?
  3. When we’re at our best as a family, what are we usually doing or feeling?
  4. What kind of impact do we want to have on the people and places around us?
  5. Looking ahead 5–10 years, what experiences or memories do we most want to create together?
  6. What would make us feel proud of the way we lived as a family, even if no one else noticed?
  7. If our family had a short mission statement (one or two sentences), what would it need to include?
  8. What do we want to protect or prioritize no matter how busy life gets?

Questions for Identifying Core Values

Once you have a sense of purpose, these questions help turn it into a short list of guiding values (usually 4–7 words or short phrases).

  1. What qualities do we want every person in this family to feel and practice (kindness, honesty, courage, curiosity, etc.)?
  2. When we make hard decisions, what principles should come first?
  3. What behaviors or attitudes do we refuse to tolerate in our home?
  4. What do we want to celebrate and reinforce when we see it in each other?
  5. How do we want to treat people who are different from us or who are struggling?
  6. What does “success” look like in our family — beyond money, grades, or achievements?
  7. When conflict happens, what values should guide how we repair and move forward?
  8. Where and when does our family feel most happy and most "at home?"
  9. Looking at the purpose we just talked about, which 4–6 words best capture the way we want to live it out?

Structure to Create Your Family Goal

1. Re-ground in Purpose & Values
Start every session by reading your family purpose statement and the short list of core values out loud. Ask:

  • “If we lived this purpose and these values fully for the next 10–12 years, what would we want to look back and say we accomplished together?”

2. Expand the Horizon (Brainstorm)
Use these prompts (write everything down, no filtering yet):

  • What would make us proud if we pulled it off by the time the kids are young adults?
  • What kind of family story do we want to be able to tell?
  • What shared adventure, contribution, skill, or way of living would stretch us and feel deeply meaningful?
  • If money and logistics weren’t constraints, what would we still want to pursue because it matches who we are?

3. Filter with Clear Criteria
A strong Family Goal should pass most of these tests:

  • Aligned: Directly serves the purpose and at least 2–3 core values
  • Audacious: Makes you a little nervous or excited in equal measure
  • Long-term: 7–15 years feels right (not next summer, not “someday”)
  • Clear: You can explain it in one or two sentences and a child can understand the idea
  • Progress-visible: You can create intermediate milestones so you know you’re moving toward it
  • Shared: The whole family (including kids at an age-appropriate level) can feel ownership

4. Draft & Refine
Write 2–4 candidate statements. Test each one by asking:

  • Does this make our purpose feel more real?
  • Will this help us say “yes” and “no” to opportunities more easily?
  • Can we imagine celebrating the midpoint and the finish together?

Then combine or sharpen until you land on one primary family goal.

5. Make It Operational (without killing the audacity)
Once you have the family goal, add just enough structure:

  • Time horizon: “By 2036…” or “By the time [oldest child] finishes high school…”
  • 3–5 milestone markers (e.g., every 2–3 years) that show progress
  • Annual or seasonal check-ins where you ask: “How are we doing relative to the family goal? What should we adjust?”

Example Format

A finished Family Goal often looks like this:

“By 2036, we will have [big shared achievement or way of living] that reflects our commitment to [key values], so that we become a family known for [connection to purpose].”

Tips for Making It Stick

  • Keep the final statement short enough to put on the fridge or a family vision board.
  • Revisit it once or twice a year (not monthly).
  • Let the kids contribute ideas and language — ownership matters more than perfect adult wording.
  • Treat the family goal as a living guide, not a rigid contract. Life will change; the spirit of the goal should stay.